Counselling and Integrative Relational Psychotherapy
Who I work with
You may be an adult of any age, 18 to 80 plus, from any sort of background or walk of life. One thing however is certain - you desire real, positive change.
You may identify with one or more of the following:
You wish to understand your anxiety, why and how it shows up in your life, and how to address it.
You struggle with your moods and wish to understand/ find words for/befriend your feelings.
You suspect that you live life from your ‘head’, driven by your (left) rational brain, your 'oughts,' 'shoulds' and wish for more nourishing connection to life.
You believe or have been told you may suffer from some form of depression.
You feel successful in some areas of your life but feel like you are failing in others.
You would like to navigate better your relationships, whether at work or with friends and family.
You have become aware of darker issues from the past, which need attention.
You identify with or have received a formal diagnosis of Post Traumatic or Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
You would like to address occasional or recurrent thoughts about ending your life so that you can live a whole, happier existence.
You would like to stop indulging in compulsive, addictive behaviours which leave you feeling empty.
You are in crisis, struggling to come to terms with an unexpected event, loss, or bereavement. Or you feel blocked, dissatisfied, unable to find a way through.
You would like to look at how you ‘show up’ in life, whether this is about addressing influences from family, culture, others or the roles you play.
You recognise that an important piece in your life is missing - whether this is about joy, connection, purpose or a deeper sense of meaning.
How I Work
I believe that we all share a common humanity, and at some times in our lives, experience life as difficult or upsetting. Underlying the many causes of this is a loss of connection - perhaps originally from our caregivers, then later in life towards ourselves, others and maybe towards life in general. In emphasizing the quality of the therapeutic relationship Integrative Relational Psychotherapy seeks to address this need - for a meaningful connection where you feel fundamentally, heard, seen, validated, understood.
I am respectful, open, warm, empathic and my style is flexible and collaborative. When we first meet, I will work with you to gain a deep understanding about what you bring, identifying goals, and discussing with you the right approach going forwards. I believe that ultimately you are the expert in your own life, and that feeling validated in who you are will ultimately help you to trust your own wisdom. My role is to work in partnership with you, drawing flexibly upon my five-year integrative training to help you find the answers you need.
Some of the ideas I draw upon are as follows:
'Parts work.'
TA (Transactional Analysis) may help you understand why you feel different things all at once - angry and sad, or judgemental, kind, as if your feelings are like a bowl of spaghetti. TA is a powerful form of 'parts-work' which can help you make sense of this confusion. Understanding your patterns, the dramatic themes enacted by such contradictory inner parts can be very liberating. It can give you marvellous insight and power to change how you see yourself in life, and act within situations. s
Although I am not a CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) therapist, I may also draw upon its ideas, clarifying how different ‘parts’ can get caught up in dysfunctional beliefs, feelings or behaviours. Having a sense of how they might be contributing to difficult, painful relationships or situations may give you even more power to change.
Sometimes, IFS, (Internal Family Systems), may be needed to understand how trauma has affected your personality and shaped your life. Knowing and feeling compassion for the survival mechanisms your personality needed due to overwhelming (traumatic) experiences, will enable you via other practices to process these traumas, so that they are no longer stuck in your nervous system.
No matter which ‘parts’ model we use, the awareness you gain will give you ‘compassion,’ kindness, peace. If you have experienced a lot of trauma in life, top-down’ parts-based' ways of working may not fully address everything. For more information about this do scroll down.
‘Relational work.’
A posh word for this is ‘Relational Psychoanalysis.’ The 20th century American Schools who developed these practices, believed that a client’s personality and deepest needs, ( or their ‘parts’) showed up most clearly in their relationship with their therapist. (This is largely true for the therapist also, and an important part of my training is about making sure this does not get in the way of what you need). This gives this ‘relational’ approach potency, shining a light upon what is most important and perhaps what you most need from our work together. This may well be about feeling seen, heard, or having something acknowledged or validated in ways you have never experienced before. Sometimes however, it may mean working through difficulties or challenges - something which is possible in an empathic, compassionate space. Staying with uncomfortable stuff can feel worth it, if we can eventually ‘mine the gold.’
‘Psychoeducation and Wellbeing.’
If it seems that this will help, I teach a bit about how our minds, bodies, brains and nervous systems work. If you have experienced trauma in life, it can be incredibly reassuring to learn that your 'symptoms' what's happening in your mind and body, are normal - your nervous system's way of protecting you. One thing I talk about a lot is the 'Window of Tolerance.' An idea from Daniel Siegel, an American psychologist, it describes what happens in our minds, brains and bodies under the influence of extreme stress. As we all feel stress at times, and many of us have experienced the 'small-T' traumas (minor, repetitive wounding in childhood) knowing about this can be helpful, building awareness and a new capacity. This may lay the ground for us to talk about things you can do to help yourself - new wellbeing practices which might strengthen your nervous system and help you to feel calmer and more grounded in life.
‘EMDR Psychotherapy’.
Do look at my other pages to find out more. In a nutshell, EMDR (Eye-movement and Desensitisation and Re-processing) is a highly respected, scientifically validated, holistic, structured psychotherapy, designed to address the roots of trauma. I offer this as a stand-alone psychotherapy or integrated into a broader piece of work.
‘Other trauma informed, body-based approaches’.
Porges (Polyvagal Theory) and Van der Kolk (among many other scientists) have shown that trauma always leaves its imprint in the body. While compassionate insight from CBT or ‘parts work’ is immensely helpful, science tells us is that what really addresses the impact of trauma is attention to the body - a ‘bottom-up’ approach.
Thus, in addition to EMDR, I also offer a range of subtle, but transformative therapies: ‘Focussing’ (Gendlin), ‘Somatic Psychotherapy’ (Ogden), ‘Mindfulness Practices,’ (Kabat-Zinn), ‘Emotional Freedom Technique’, EFT (Craig) are different ways to help you to connect more compassionately and deeply with your body’s unique emotional language, creating a deeper, calmer, more grounded sense of yourself. These are just a few ways to ‘widen your Window of Tolerance,’ – ways to soothe the effects of trauma.
‘Existential or big picture’ approaches.
Depending upon what you bring, you may find that looking more deeply into yourself brings up painful issues – the various losses which many of us experience as we go through life. I feel that when working deeply with people, it is important to hold the space for such ‘big questions’ – what it means to love and lose, have limitations, frailties, or disappointments, all the stuff of human experience interwoven with its joys and pleasures. Many thinkers have written about these issues. I have an interest in the great visionary Carl Jung, who wrote compellingly about the challenges of mid-life informed by the wisdom of the unconscious. My role however is to respect your path here, whatever that may be.
‘Music Imagery Psychotherapy.’
This brings me to a treasured way of working with clients. If you would like to understand more about 'Music Imagery Psychotherapy' and how it works, please do visit my other page which sets this out in detail. Like many art forms, I believe that music provides a superhighway into our feelings and stores of a deeper wisdom. As you will read on other pages, I offer 'Music Imagery Psychotherapy' as a standalone therapy. It also integrates beautifully into the early stages or EMDR and of course within Relational Integrative Psychotherapy, providing for both safe accessible ways to ‘widen your window of tolerance.’ No musical ability is required to benefit from these practices. The music is played via spotify, and mark-making using pastels deepens your experience in simple, natural ways upon the page.
Like many practitioners, I am constantly learning and refining the ways I work so the above is not an exhaustive summary. If you have any questions or think you might like to book an initial session do get in touch here.
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